titanscience | Seasons inbox

[Suddenly Hange lets out a huge sigh, realising that this is getting far too depressing!]

Yeah! Don't think I won't do it! I'll get the paper right now!

You can't take blame for any of it. I'm ordering you not to!

[ Maybe he did. Guilt is a funny thing; there's never a shortage of it around these parts. ]

[ It killed you, he thinks. It killed him and it also killed you. In a way, I did. But he doesn't say it. They're right, too. It would have happened sooner or later. The timing of it was just... unlucky. ]

[ That and the sheer weight of the wills they were meant to carry on that just became too many, too soon. Anybody could've buckled under that. It's a surprise they both did as well as they have, all things considered. It's easy to think of different paths when looking back, which is why he does his best not to do it, ever. But once all the fighting was done and over, what else was left there to do?.. ]

[ The better choice and the right choice isn't always the same, is it?.. ]

[ He shakes his head slightly, still not agreeing with them, but he can't exactly disagree, either. It's... complicated. Everything that went through his head at the time, everything contributing to his decision. ]

You really think I'd live regret-free if I'd killed the kid instead?

[ A rhetorical question, of course. He made the choice, and he would make the same one if he had to do it again. He had accepted that it was the path of less regret; it's just that both of them still had a fair bunch. ]

[ Erwin would have loved the world, he thinks, at least if he had lived to really see it. But there's no doubt in his mind that he would have chosen the same way if he was able to make that decision. Everything was just too heavy at that point. All of their time was coming to an end; Levi had just clung on more stubbornly than the rest, it seems. ]

[ The kids had what it took to take the torch in the end. That's what matters. ]

...yeah. It would have.

[ He wanted to do it, he really did, but he couldn't do that to him. Not after all those deaths. Not after he had finally found peace. Not after he got the front row seat to a demonstration of what awaited him. Ironic, really, how Floch had really pushed him toward the decision he later ridiculed himself. ]

[ But Hange is right, of course. Talking about it isn't going to change shit. It just... made it feel lighter, a little bit. It made him feel like maybe after all this time, they finally understood, at least a little, judging from their words. ]

[ And then it's his turn to stop them, because while it's easy to rag on it now, it really was a sound plan with the information they had available. Far as they knew, the safest thing was to keep Zeke and Eren apart, and who else was there that Hange could trust with something that important? ]

You couldn't have known. [ He says, a little more firmly, finally managing to glance their way. It's still a painful memory, but any regrets he may feel about it too do still stem from that day in Shiganshina; the first time he'd failed to kill Zeke. Everything could have been averted if he'd just done that, if he hadn't paused to think about who he could possibly still save. ] It was a sound decision with the information we had at the time.

[ If he doesn't get to beat himself up now that he's retired and free to do so, neither do they. ]

[ So he meets that sigh with one of his own, though it's much shorter, maybe more of a huff even. His expression looks somewhat lighter. ]

Then neither can you.

Oh? But I can. That's the fun thing about the chain of command, isn't it? Ultimately I have to take the blame for everything that happened under my watch.

[Which is true, but maybe they feel directly responsible for the mess with Zeke. True, they couldn't have known, but they have far too much free time now to spend on overthinking these things.]

You can't make me stop. Not unless you plan on usurping me. Are you adding mutiny to your growing list of crimes? Hah!

[Heh.. it should be obvious from their tone of voice and rather amused expression that none of this is serious, just some fond bickering that has become the norm between the two of them.]

[ That's not fair, he could say, but when has anything ever been? And they're right, of course. Whether they actually had anything to do with it or not, all of the shit was their responsibility at that point. Hell, the higher-ups even made them explain Liberio, as if it was somehow orchestrated by the corps. ]

[ One huge shitshow, all in all. Good thing they don't have to be the Commander here, huh? ]

[ He rolls his eyes and drags a hand through his hair in apparent annoyance. ]

Ugh.

[ Is all Hange is getting for their mutiny theories. ]

That's what I thought.

[Hah. Hange 1: Levi 0, at least in this instance. They only give a slight smile in return, looking rather pleased with themselves.]

....I can't even remember what we were talking about now..

[That conversation sure did devolve into something, didn't it? It actually does take them a moment to backtrack and figure it out. It had been the discussion of role models that set the whole thing off, what was before that? Oh- living with Eren and their communication issues.]

Oh, that's right. It was you and Eren with your weird living arrangements. But you're going to talk to him about staying, right? That's important. We can do it together, later today.

There's nothing "weird" about it.

[ Grumbling, because what are you even talking about, Hange. You of all people have no right to even use the word "weird", honestly. ]

...that would be for the best.

[ Doing it together, he means. So they can salvage it whenever he inevitably says something "inappropriate" again. ]

[ He'll just... spend the rest of the time until then here. Yeah. That sounds good too. ]

Well I suppose if that's what works for the two of you.. you probably think you guys have to talk enough as it is when I'm visiting, right?

[it would be much different if Hange were living with either of them. Rather the opposite in fact, just like their conversations now, when Hange probably talks too much and pokes for answers that others do not wish to give.]

[they are reminded of the conversation with Jean at dinner last night, about the three of them living together. Yeah, there's no way Levi or Eren would want that.]

Should I make some tea?

[since they are assuming (hoping) Levi intends to stay and hang out for a while.]

[ Unfortunately, Levi doesn't read into the hidden meaning there, or he would have nipped them in the bud before they blossom into whatever the fuck happens hours later. Still, the fact that he doesn't talk to Eren as much as he does to Hange has nothing to do with each other. ]

...It's not the same thing.

[ Hell, he didn't talk to any of the kids that much, and then Eren had the whole destroying the world thing hanging over his head on top of it that Levi still hadn't settled with, even if he abstained from hitting him any more times since their initial reunion. The dynamic just wasn't the same. He cared about them a lot, yes, but he was their superior, he was responsible for them. It's different from having someone who is -- or used to be -- your peer, more of an equal. An actual friend. Someone he doesn't need to shield from the truth or themselves or whatever else. ]

[ Then they bring up tea and all is right in the world again. ]

As long as it's not the bagged shit from the grocery store. It tastes like socks.

[ "Yes, please"? ]

Well we've been friends for a long time, so it's going to different. But Eren isn't as talkative as he used to be, so I doubt he'll tell you much of anything unless you ask about it.

[Hange talked to them all a lot more than Levi did. Armin, who always loved to listen in on what Onyankopon had to say about the outside world, Sasha when she was around, who would sneak into the food hall late at night for snacks and find it occupied by Hange and their paperwork. Even here in this world Hange checks in with them all perhaps more than necessary, still bearing a semblance of responsibility towards them all even though they are here and happily living their own lives.

But Eren became harder to talk to as time went on and he kept more to himself. Then of course he ran away from home for months, and barely said anything once he got back. At least here he has opened up a few times about what he is thinking about, but it usually takes some constant prodding.]

Anyway, I know you're watching over him, and I trust your judgement. If you worried something's going on and we need to talk to him about it, you can always call me.

[Co-parenting! It's a team effort.]

[And on that note, Hange stands up and wanders over to the kitchen, preparing water to boil.]

Ah- I actually took a small supply from your place when I was over there last, sorry! If you let me know where it's from, I'll keep some around.

If he doesn't want to talk, I'm not going to force him.

[ It's... probably not dangerous here? He thinks so, at least. And while it's true that there's the possibility that Eren does want to talk but holds himself back out of some misguided guilt or self hatred or whatever, Levi would rather let him go at it in his own pace, whatever it is. ]

[ But while Levi might not talk to everyone here as much as Hange does, that doesn't mean he doesn't keep tabs on them. It doesn't mean he wouldn't step up if he deemed it necessary, or one of them was in trouble. His own care is just... a little more detached, perhaps, a little more emotional distance, even though he's aware it's moot at this point because the damn brats already got under his skin. ]

[ And that's why it was -- would be -- so painful to lose any of them. ]

...yeah.

[ He doesn't know if his judgement should be trusted anymore. He's made some bad calls in recent times, more than he has throughout his whole life. Maybe he was losing his touch, or maybe the times had just changed so much he got left behind with his ideals and assumptions about life. ]

[ But he trusts Hange's judgement. If they think he's fit for this, then he will be. Co-parenting efforts indeed. ]

[ He huffs quietly, feeling the compulsion to be somewhat offended for old times sake but at the same time finding that he genuinely doesn't care that much, not after living through a time when he wasn't going to hear Hange's extensive babbling or have them pilfer his supplies ever again. It's all so small now when compared to that. ]

Stole it, you mean.

[ It's fine. He can buy so much tea now and this just means he has something acceptable at Hange's too. Of course he can't just tell them it's okay, though. ]

It's not stealing this time. ['This time' because they've absolutely stolen tea supplies in the past] I intend to replace it, eventually.

[Which they will once they find out the particular brands Levi likes best, but they aren't exactly in a hurry to do it either. He has plenty over there!]

[Hange busies themself in the little kitchen, heating up water and preparing the right amount of tealeaves that will allow them to each have a cup or two if they desire, not feeling a need to interject noise into the comfortable silence just for the sake of conversation, until it has a purpose.]

Did you want something to eat with it..?

Uh-huh. [ He may sound unconvinced, but he doesn't even care. He can replace tea himself. He can't replace Hange. ]

[ The silence is almost too comfortable, honestly, and his eyes are practically starting to close by the time they speak again, jolting him back fully into the waking world. ]

[ Where-- right. He straightens up a little, scooting further up the couch again where he had slipped into a comfortable slouch while Hange was preparing the water. ]

...Just tea is fine.

[ He should probably be eating something that isn't tea, but oh well. ]

Alright.

[Hange will continue making the tea in silence, letting it brew and sit there steeping for a few minutes while they make themself some toast (such a wonderful invention, the toaster!)]

[It's a good five minutes or so before they return to the living room...]

[ Levi does want the tea, so he does his best to stay awake, and he'd probably manage that too if not for the toast side quest. Unfortunately, those few extra minutes seem to make all of the difference... ]

[ Hange finds him sitting on the couch, arms folded and heels dug into the carpet, his head bowed forward slightly, breaths even. ]

[ He probably would be upset at missing tea, though. Maybe Hange should wake him up for that. Then again, there's probably some concerning implications here considering how quickly and easily he seems to nod off when it's just the two of them together, almost as if he hadn't slept a wink in the weeks prior, so perhaps it's best to leave him be... ]

[Hange returns with two cups of tea, surprised to find that Levi has nodded off so easily. The thought crosses their mind to wake him up since the drink is ready, but he honestly looks so peaceful sleeping there...]

[..And it isn't the first time that he has drifted off so easily while in Hange's company. Finding Levi asleep in a chair isn't anything new, he's been that way for years, but he never just fell asleep while they were in the middle of doing something, not unless there was some amount of intention behind it. He must be exhausted... but why? They have even less to do these days. Not even Hange pulls frequent all-nighters anymore.]

[They still have a couple hours until they are meant to meet with Eren, so Hange opts for letting him sleep, setting the drinks and the toast down on the coffee table and taking a seat on the floor in front of the couch as not to disturb him. Sweet dreams....]

[ A couple hours is about how much he usually sleeps, so he might actually wake up by himself eventually... he'd better still get some tea before they leave for the training, though, or he's going to be very upset. ]

Edited 2023-07-01 22:50 (UTC)

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