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Date: 2023-06-12 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] wingbound
[ Yes. That's what this is about. ]

[ He already went through it once. Dealt with it because there was no other choice. But now there are choices, and he doesn't know if he can stand having to do it again. ]

[ He probably can, but he doesn't want to. ]


Exactly. [ It could be luck. It could be a freak accident. It could be that this place actually does make death trivial -- except it never is, because the pain is still real, because you can never know for sure. ] But let me hear you say it.

[ He can stay here all day! ]

coming at me personally again i see

Date: 2023-06-12 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] wingbound
[ He lets out a breath he may have been holding, feeling something like relief wash over him even though he hadn't properly registered the anxiety clenching his windpipe until then. He swallows. Nods. Alright. They're good. ]

[ Oh, but it seems that Hange has a request for him in return. ]

[ And he really wants to say, "When have I ever died on you?" But then he realizes that it must have felt just like it for them when they found him on that riverbank. He would have died there if it wasn't for Hange, he's sure of it, they gripped him tight and raised him from perdition clawed both of their way out of death. ]

[ He also thinks of that time they don't know about, hours before he was blown up to near extinction, when he closed his eyes and entertained the thought of dying in the hands (and mouths) of his former squad, wondering if it would finally make the sacrifices stop, make the pain stop, but he wasn't free to go just yet, and so he didn't. ]

[ He thinks about all of that and he knows he owes them the same thing. ]


...I won't get myself killed. [ He repeats the words to them, promising, his voice just a hint raspier than usual as if he'd just woken up, or been through an emotional wringer of some sort. He has things to live for again, here, and that's not even counting what he still had back home, too -- the debt to their fallen friends to live the world they didn't get to see. He wonders if Hange knows that, if they can read it from his expression the way they effortlessly do so often he's starting to suspect they can read his mind, sometimes. ] Not if I can help it.

washing out lifelessly into the emocean

Date: 2023-06-19 01:45 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] wingbound
[ A sense of security that people like them could not be afforded. Back home, that is. Here? Now? Perhaps they can. Perhaps they could get used to this. ]

[ (Probably not Levi, though. Expecting the worst is just too ingrained in him at this point.) ]

[ There's something like a ghost of a smile flashing through his face for a moment, before his gaze returns to Hange again. He may be lacking in a lot of social areas, but he actually knows how to handle deals, even if this is much less extortionist in nature than usual. ]

[ So yes, he's extending a hand to shake on it, seal the deal, confirm that they both agree to not fucking die. ]


Got it.

Date: 2023-06-20 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] wingbound
[ Damn right they are. And they'd better not break that obligation! ]

[ He... looks like he maybe wants to say something more. If I wanted that, I'd be going back to Paradis, or maybe, I wish it was harder last time, or maybe I want to spend the rest of my retirement growing peaches with you. ]

[ Instead, he just looks up at Hange once he thinks the shake had lasted long enough, and awkwardly claps them on the shoulder before immediately retreating his hands, gaze on the floor. ]


...good.

[ #nailed it ]

I'll go give him a piece of my mind, then.

[ That's right. Jean is an excellent topic. In fact, he'll be turning to leave now. ]

Date: 2023-06-20 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] wingbound
[ Maybe one of those times they'll manage to decipher it... ]

[ For now, though, there's children to discipline and shins to kick. So Levi just gives them a grunt that's equal parts an acknowledgement and a noise of parting, and walks away. ]

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